I first came to know God’s unconditional love when I was 14 years old. It all started with my depression and with how I sincerely believed that I was alone, unloved, worthless, and that life was meaningless. My pain was so great and so painful that I cried out to God in dire desperation, never truly knowing whether He was even listening. But, unexpectedly, I was invited by a friend to a Bible study. It was at that Bible Study, that I learned the boundless depth of God’s love for me. I had pleaded with God to take me away from such a painful world. I had felt so alone, and so abandoned, but God spoke to me and said “You are not alone. I am here, and I will never abandon you.” Then I knew, and felt in my heart that I would never come to that low point ever again because I knew what He promised was the greatest Truth. I believed, for the first time, that my life was worth something and that life was worth living. Though I’d discovered that God was always there for me, I still felt empty.
I still felt like I had no real purpose and so I prayed to Him and begged Him to show me what I was meant to do. And so at 16, God answered me and, He gave me a wonderful talent in a passion for writing unlike anything I’d ever felt. That was when I felt truly happy for the first time in my life because I had God and I had a purpose. However, I knew deep down that I hadn’t completely given my heart to Him and for that reason, when I went to church camp every summer; I chose not to get baptized. My heart wasn’t quite there yet. But since I did nothing to bridge the gap between God and I, it grew larger and larger and I grew further and further away from Him, until I was in college and could barely recognize myself. By 19, I had completely forgotten about how God had personally reached down and pulled me out of my misery. He had healed me! Yet I was so far from him. Whenever I was remembered and thought about it, I felt terrible. I felt anger towards myself, self-pity, sorrow and so much regret. And so I stopped thinking about it all together eventually. But then, I fell in love with an agnostic, unbelieving boy. In my ignorance, I did not realize that everyone didn't have the Christian mother I had. However, through this boy, I realized that my upbringing, which differed from his, had stayed with me although I wasn’t living my life as a Christian. I was so far away from God, but I realized that I missed Him deeply and longed to be reunited with Him. So I prayed for guy I was dating when I realized that I couldn’t be with him because he would surely bring me even further from the Lord. But, to my complete surprise, God showed me He loved me, once again, when he pulled this unbelieving boy towards Him and brought him to believe in Him!!! I was so amazed, and so in disbelief, because I had underestimated the Lord, my God!!! Yet here He was, speaking directly to me, (of all people) letting me know that He was here, showing me a sign that I was forgiven and that there was still room for me in His infinite heart!!! So last January, I turned towards Christ to follow Him with all my heart, all my soul, and all my mind and have not looked back ever since. Today, God has blessed me with a church family and brothers and sisters in Christ who have supported me and inspired me in my walk with Christ. My journey and story is a testament to God's infinite Grace, Mercy, and Love because even after I'd turned from Him, He showed me Love, He forgave me and filled me with His Spirit which has brought me back from death to life with Him for eternity.
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Proverbs 31:30Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. © 2013. All Rights Reserved
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